I have a 7-year-old daughter with my ex-
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I have a 7-year-old daughter with my ex-husband in Atlanta, Georgia (US).
According to our shared schedule, he picks her up from my house on alternating Fridays at 5:30 PM.
For the past three custody weekends, he has shown up 45 to 60 minutes late (between 6:15 and 6:30 PM) without any text or call, leaving our daughter waiting with her shoes on at the door and making us miss Friday dinner plans.
Last time, when he arrived at 6:30 PM, I asked if he could text in advance when running late. He exploded and later sent an angry, guilt-tripping wall of text accusing me of "controlling his life", "making an issue out of rush hour traffic", and "trying to alienate his daughter."
He is scheduled to pick her up again this Friday at 5:30 PM.
I don't want to engage in a hostile back-and-forth or take the bait on his accusations.
1. What is the exact speakable/textable BIFF message (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm) to send him about Friday's pickup time?
2. What is the exact broken-record hold line to send if he replies with anger or excuses?
Answer
Send this before Friday (Wed or Thu works — early enough to plan, late enough to stay logistics-only):
**Friday pickup is 5:30 at my house. Please send a text if you're running late — our daughter shouldn't be the one waiting at the door.**
If he fires back with anger, accusations, or guilt — send this, word-for-word:
**I hear you. Friday pickup is still 5:30 — please text if you're delayed.**
A few notes on using them:
- Don't address any of his accusations (controlling, alienating, traffic). The BIFF centers the child and the time, not the old fight. Taking the bait is the trap.
- If he keeps going, repeat the same hold line. Don't explain again, don't defend, don't add a new sentence each round. That's the broken-record part.
- Text only — same channel you've been using. It's for clarity, not for the record.
- One line out, one line back. Anything longer becomes a back-and-forth.
If you want, I can also draft a shorter version that omits "at my house" (since he already knows), or a version that names the time only with no reference to her waiting — say which.