Everyone tells me to sleep when the baby

This isn't insomnia — it's a clock problem. Your body isn't resisting sleep; the only hours you own are after midnight, so you've parked sleep in the leftover. "Sleep when the baby sleeps" fails you because at baby-nap time you aren't sleepy, you're scrolling. Fixing it means moving your personal time *earlier and shorter*, not trying harder at night.

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1. What you tried vs. a better lever

Tonight's 2–3 moves (all under 25 min total)

1. Phone out of the bedroom before the last feed, not after. Charger in the hall. That's the single highest-value change — scrolling is the thing that ends at 00:30, not the darkness.
2. A 12-minute wind-down, same order every night: snack → wash/dim lights → park tomorrow's list on paper → bed. The list on paper is not optional; the bed is not a planning meeting.
3. Cut caffeine after the early afternoon. It can still be working ~8 hours later, so a 15:00 coffee is still in your system at lights-out.

What success looks like in 24 hours (not a cure): you go to bed within ~45 min of your usual time instead of past midnight, on 3 nights this week. That's it. The baby's 3-hourly waking at 6 weeks is normal and is not the thing you're fixing — most babies wake through the night for at least the first year, and the useful question isn't "zero wake-ups," it's that what you do at 02:00 is a feed and a put-down, not lights-on play.

Your weekly anchor (one sentence, no answer needed): *On every night this week, including Sunday when your partner is home, the phone goes in the hall before the last feed and I do not go back to it — my own time moves to a 45-minute daytime block instead.*

Say the word and I'll set the 21:30 "phone to the hall" reminder. My calendar shows you as Asia/Bangkok — tell me if that's wrong.

2. Constraints and avoid list

• No screen scrolling as your wind-down, and no "must be asleep by 23:00" target. A performance target is a perpetuating habit, not a plan; the job is lying down and resting, not a KPI.
• No alcohol as a nightcap — it shortens the wait to fall asleep and then fragments the night.
• Do not try to sleep through the baby's 3-hour wakes. Chasing them with early bedtimes and sleeping in lowers next night's sleep drive.
• Sleeping in after a bad night flattens the next one. On Sunday, keep your wake time within about an hour of the weeknight one.
• Safe-sleep rules for the 6-week-old, tonight, no exceptions: baby on their back, on their own firm flat surface — no pillows, duvet, loose blanket, or soft toys — room-share, not bed-share, for at least the first six months. And the big one: if you think you might drift off, put the baby down in their own space *first*, before the feed or the cuddle. Never plan to settle or feed on the sofa or armchair — that's when it happens, at 03:00, not as a decision. If anyone in the house smokes, drinks, or takes anything drowsy, that rules out bed-sharing and rules out the sofa completely.
• Don't DIY sleep restriction or a shortened time-in-bed window in the postpartum weeks — if a clinician later does that, it's their call, and with a baby this young it needs a clinician.

3. Decision tree

```
Baby wakes, you feel "I could fall over standing up" and
├─ you were feeding/holding, you felt yourself nodding off
│ → baby down in own space first, next feed by another adult
│ if available. If NO other adult is available, that's a
│ conversation to have with your partner/elder this week.
├─ you're driving to the school run / to work and heavy-lidded
│ → do not drive. Arrange the ride. Not a short-trip exception.
├─ nights have been wrecked for WEEKS, not a bad stretch
│ → book a clinician visit. Bring the 7-day diary below.
└─ low mood, dread, "I can't keep going," or any thought of
hurting yourself
→ stop the sleep plan. Tell your partner tonight, call your
local emergency number, and don't be alone with it.
```
Also book a clinician (yours, and the baby's) if: the baby isn't regaining birth weight, feeds are short or painful, or you have any fever, breast redness/lump with flu-like feelings, or heavy bleeding — that's a same-week call, not a sleep question.

Who decides what: a clinician or your baby's paediatrician decides anything about feeds, weight, wake patterns, and any medication. Nobody here, including me, is diagnosing you or your baby, and no dose of anything — melatonin, a sedative, a supplement, or anything bought online — changes without the prescriber or pharmacist.

This is a week to record, not a week to diagnose. One row per morning, written after the final wake: bed, lights out, rough time to sleep, number of wakes, final wake, rise. Seven of those and this stops being folklore and becomes something you can hand a doctor.

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Sources. Night waking normal in infancy, back-sleeping, flat empty sleep surface, room-share not bed-share, sofa rule, bed-sharing conditions: `references/child-sleep.md` — NHS SIDS, HealthyChildren/AAP, Newcastle Hospitals (accessed 2026-09-02). Last-hour chain, dimming, phone outside the room, no performance target: `references/wind-down.md` — NHS Every Mind Matters, NHLBI (accessed 2026-09-02). Fixed wake time, morning light, caffeine up to ~8 h, alcohol not a hypnotic, no driving when sleepy: `references/hygiene.md` — MedlinePlus, NHS insomnia (accessed 2026-09-02). Which fork this is, and why hygiene alone doesn't fix it: `references/insomnia-model.md` — NHLBI insomnia, NHS depression symptoms, first-party 3P framing from Spielman et al. 198730532-x) (accessed 2026-09-02).