My mother-in-law frequently takes photos
Ask
My mother-in-law frequently takes photos of our 2-year-old daughter and posts them publicly on her Facebook and Instagram accounts (which have over 1,200 public followers), including beach photos in her swimsuit and daily playground check-ins with our neighborhood location tagged.
My husband and I previously agreed before our daughter was born that we would not post her face on public social media for privacy and safety reasons.
When I brought this up to my husband, he brushed it off saying: "My mom is just proud and loves showing off her granddaughter to her church friends. You're overreacting and being paranoid. If you tell her, she'll cry and feel attacked."
Can you provide:
1. An exact, speakable script for my husband to deliver directly to his own mother (not coming from me as the messenger) that sets a clear, loving, but non-negotiable boundary.
2. The specific request: taking down the existing public post with location tag, and only sharing future photos in our private family WhatsApp group.
3. The exact comeback line for my husband if his mother plays the victim ("I'm her grandma, I have rights", "Other grandparents post all the time").
4. A short, calm script for me to align with my husband first so he stops brushing this off?
Answer
Two-step delivery: align your husband first, then he goes to his mother. If you skip the alignment, his mum hears it from "my wife" and you've already lost him.
**1. You to your husband — alignment first**
> *Mum, before [daughter] was born we agreed she wouldn't be on public social media. Your mum has her face and our neighbourhood tagged to 1,200 strangers. I need you to be the one who says it. Not me — you. I'll help with the words, and I'll be with you when you do it.*
If he brushes it off again:
> *This isn't about your mum's feelings. It's our daughter's safety and the agreement we both signed onto. You telling her is part of that agreement.*
**2. Your husband to his mum — the limit and the ask**
> *Mum, I need you to take down the public photos of [daughter] — the Facebook and Instagram ones, including the beach photo and the playground check-ins with the location tag. Today is fine; this week is fine, but they come down. From now on, photos of her go in our family WhatsApp group only. The reason is the agreement [your name] and I made before she was born — she stays off public social media. It isn't about you. It's just the rule we have as her parents.*
**3. If she plays victim — comeback lines**
*"I'm her grandma, I have rights."*
> You're her grandma. You're also parents to a son who made a call with his wife before she was born. The call stands: the public posts come down, the family WhatsApp from now on.
*"Other grandparents post all the time."*
> Other families make their own call. We made ours. Same answer: public comes down, WhatsApp from now on.
*"You're overreacting / you're being paranoid."*
> We're her parents. Overreacting is for us to decide. The posts come down, the rule is the rule.
*"Fine, then I'll just delete the whole account."*
> Don't do that. Just take her posts down and switch to the family WhatsApp. That's all we need.
If she offers a half-measure — "I'll just make my account private": a private account still shows her face and the playground location to every follower she already has. Same answer: public posts come down, family WhatsApp only.
**What I can't do for you**
Whether your husband actually delivers it, and how his mum takes it — those aren't scripts. The script only works if your husband agrees the privacy call is already made and just hasn't been spoken yet. If he doesn't agree on that yet, the alignment line above is the real conversation, not the MIL one.