Since the baby arrived I resent our dog.
Question
Since the baby arrived I resent our dog. Is this common, and how do we manage pets and a newborn? Real household: caregiver juggling school week and one elder or sibling nearby. Schedule: Wed; month two. Kitchen/home right now: short daily walks with the dog. Already tried: leaving baby and dog unsupervised. Please answer as a practical family-care guide: what to do next tonight/today, what to avoid, and a clear decision tree. Constraints: respect «No diagnosis, no medication changes»; no dosing kids/pets/elders yourself; no mystery powders or buying prescription meds online; keep steps screenshot-friendly under ~25 minutes where cooking/care applies. Structure your help as (1) what I already tried vs better alternatives, (2) constraints/avoid list, (3) red flags—when to stop DIY and get clinical/urgent help. Keep the voice concrete and kind for a tired caregiver; stay inside kitchen/home-care/communication levers only. Name what success looks like in 24 hours without promising cures. Avoid brand shopping lists; focus on routines, food already at home, and communication scripts caregivers can screenshot.
Answer
Yes — it’s common, and it usually isn't about the dog. Many new parents describe a wave of resentment toward the pet in the first months, because the pet represents the last thing that used to be "your own time." It's a load signal, not a character flaw. Resenting the dog is not the same as not loving it.
One honest note: no family profile was attached this turn, so I don't know the dog's age, breed, or how the older relative is involved. Everything below works for a healthy adult dog and doesn't depend on that.
##1. What you tried vs. a better lever
Leaving baby and dog unsupervised together. This is the one to stop today, and it's the most important line below. Even a gentle dog who has never done it is one dropped toy, one jealous-swim moment, or one startled wake-up away from a snap, and the cost is enormous and unfair to both animals. The dog isn't "safe with the baby" — the baby is never anything but prey-ish prey-neutral to a dog.
| What you've tried | Better lever tonight |
|---|---|
| Short daily walks | 3–4 short blocks instead of one long one. 10 minutes after a feeding, when the dog is most likely to settle. Spread it so you're never depleted at the end of a long outing. |
| Dog alone with baby | Two separate zones, always. Baby's sleep space and all feeding = dog out. Dog's mat = baby out. Even when you're in the room, the dog gets a mat and a chew, you get ten minutes of noise-free. |
| You doing all of it | Hand one dog block to the person who is there. Not "help me" — a specific block: "You take the 7pm walk, all of it, four evenings." |
| Nothing between baby and dog | One 5-minute training target: "place." Dog goes to the mat, gets rewarded for staying, you get the doorway to yourself. Two minutes a day beats a long session you'll skip. |
2. Constraints and the avoid list
Avoid:
- Baby and dog unsupervised, in any room, even "just for a minute" — including while you shower or grab laundry.
- Punishing the dog for being excited or for barking at the baby. Reward-based only: reward the calm, ignore the noise. No shock collar, no prong, no alpha roll, no yelling into the dog's face for growling.
- Holding the baby while taking the dog out, or putting the baby in the stroller while walking the dog — two variables, no hands free.
- Deciding anything permanent about the dog in month two. Don't rehome during the fog, and don't promise you'll never feel this way.
- Interpreting resentment as a verdict on your love for the child or the dog. It's a symptom of load.
Keep it screenshot-friendly (~25 min, food already at home): one person takes the dog for a 10-minute block after a bottle/feed, while another settles the baby. That's it. Don't build an evening system on week two.
3. Decision tree for tonight
```
Is baby asleep AND dog in the room with you?
├─ Yes → dog gets mat + chew, you step to the doorway. 10 min timer.
└─ No → okay, that's the normal state.
Baby crying and dog reacting (barking, freezing, staring, hovering, growling)?
├─ Dog is agitated → separate NOW. Dog behind a closed door, baby with you. No training talk.
├─ Dog is quiet but stiff/staring → separate. This is the one that matters.
└─ Dog is barking only, tail loose → let him bark. Don't correct; don't let him crowd the crib.
Can you get one uninterrupted30-min block?
├─ Yes → protect it. Everything else bends around it.
└─ No → ask tonight, in these words (send it if text is easier):
"I need one 30-minute block a day where the baby and the dog are both someone else's job. Not help — a block. Can you take Wednesday evenings?"
Dog's behaviour suddenly changed since the baby came?
(hiding, house-soiling in a trained dog, snapping when touched)
└─ That's a vet question first, not a training question. Book a check.
```
Red flags — when to stop DIY
Stop and get clinical help, don't wait for next week:
- Any thought of hurting the baby, any thought of hurting yourself, rage you can't put down, crying most of the day, or feeling nothing at all for more than a couple of weeks. Month two is exactly when this shows up. Tell your midwife, OB, GP or a doctor — this is treated, not something to be tough out. If you think you might act, or already have, put the baby down somewhere safe, get away, and call your local emergency number or go to an emergency department now.
- Persistent dread of the dog near the baby, or the dog growls, snaps, freezes on the baby, or has any bite history near people.
- The dog's own change (pain-driven aggression often looks like "he's turned mean") — vet first.
I can't diagnose any of that, and I'm not changing anyone's medication — including the dog's.
What "success" looks like in 24 hours
Not "I love the dog again." Concretely:
- Every baby-sleep and feeding moment today happened with the dog out of that space. Zero exceptions, even for two minutes.
- The dog got 3 short blocks instead of 1, with at least one handed to someone else.
- You asked for one named30-minute block, using words you can send as-is.
- You slept a stretch — even one uninterrupted block counts as a win today.
Feeling better is a bonus. The dog's safety and your own rest are the actual targets.
Want me to write the text to the other adult, or draft the "place" training as a 2-minute daily checklist you can stick on the fridge?