I work from home full time and my partne

Split the night by clock, not by who happens to be awake — and move the scorekeeping out of 3am and into one10-minute daytime check. Here's the whole thing.

I don't diagnose and I won't change anyone's medication. This is routines, food already at home, and scripts you can screenshot.

1. What you tried vs. what works better

Two things worth saying plainly:

• At 5 months, night waking is normal. Most babies keep waking through the night for at least the first year — hunger, nappy, teething, motor milestones. So the goal is not fewer wake-ups; it's that neither of you does all of them, and one adult is properly awake each time.
• Fairness has two currencies: clock blocks and protected sleep. Counting wake-ups alone misses the real load — the 3am-to-5am stretch that no one counts because both of you are half-asleep.

2. Tonight and tomorrow — concrete steps

Tonight, before the baby goes down (about 15 minutes total):

1. Write the split on paper (5 min). Fill in your partner's actual shift start and wake time.

1. Say it out loud (use script A below). One request, one move.

1. Set the safe-sleep default (2 min): baby on their back, on their own flat firm surface, in the same room as you, empty cot — no pillows, duvets, loose blankets, soft toys. Never the sofa or armchair, even for "just a minute" — that is where a tired adult falls asleep holding a baby, and it's the exact reason to split the night rather than run on fumes. No bed-sharing if either of you has had alcohol or anything drowsy.

1. Kitchen prep with what's already there (10 min): set out your partner's pre-shift breakfast tonight (oats, eggs or rice, fruit if you have it), their water bottle, and the night-bag with nappies and a change of clothes. The point is that the person on the first block never has to go hunting through the kitchen at 9pm.

1. Fridge note (1 min): last feed time / next feed due / tonight's blocks.

Tomorrow daytime: one 20–25 minute nap before 3pm (phone out of the room, baby safe in the cot or with the other adult), then a 10-minute talk after the baby settles — not during a wake-up. If the only window you have is after the baby's Sunday bedtime, use it, but keep it to 10 minutes and don't open the log there.

Scripts (screenshot these)

A. To your partner — send today:
> "I want us to stop arguing about it at 3am and split the night by clock instead. My proposal: you take [8:00pm–1:00am], I take [1:00am–6:00am] plus all of the daytime, and each of us gets one protected stretch we don't get woken from except for the agreed word. One thing I need from you tonight: tell me what you'd change before we start tomorrow night."

B. At 3am — say only this:
> "Handover."

Then: "You're up, I'm down, no talk." Both of you agreed on it in daylight, so it doesn't need to be kind at 3am — it needs to be fast.

C. To the elder or sibling nearby — one narrow ask:
> "I don't need advice and I don't need a rota. I need two hours where you're the one with the baby. Could you come [day] from [time] to [time]?"

D. If tonight genuinely has to be yours:
> "I know tonight is yours and I'm not asking you to argue about it. Tomorrow I need the first block."

3. Avoid list

• No sleep products for the baby: no melatonin, no antihistamines, no herbal drops, powders or "natural sleep" mixes, nothing bought online, no doses of anything for the baby, the elder, or your partner. If a sleep aid is on your mind, that question goes to the baby's clinician or pharmacist.
• Don't change milk/formula or start new foods as a sleep lever without the baby's clinician.
• No formal sleep training at 5 months, and never "sleep through the night" training placed above safe sleep.
• Don't keep score at 3am, don't open the log during a wake-up, don't settle anything in bed at 2am.
• Don't drift to the sofa or armchair with the baby. If you feel you might nod off, put the baby in their own cot first, then the coffee.
• Don't make the nearby relative a third rota: one job, one time window, one easy way out.
• Don't renegotiate the split every night. Each change costs more than it saves.

4. Decision tree — tonight's wake-up

```
Baby wakes at 2am
├─ Inside your block and you're steady → you handle it. No talk, no log.
├─ Inside your block but you've slept <4h in 24h, or you're swaying → say "handover."
│ Baby into their own cot first, then wake your partner. Safety beats the plan.
├─ Middle hour, both blocks asleep → whoever slept less gets up. Decided tonight, not now.
└─ You might fall asleep holding the baby → put the baby in the cot, step back, wake the other
adult. If no one can come, the baby stays in the cot and you check again in 5 minutes.
```

After 5–7 nights:

• Both got a protected block (≥4 hours) and no 3am arguments → keep it a week, then adjust by 30–45 minutes.
• Your partner missed their block twice or more → change the plan (shift more to you, or use the nearby person for one block). Don't re-argue it.
• Wake-ups rising but baby is otherwise well → work on bedtime, evening feed timing and room conditions before the relationship.
• Either of you is at breaking point → escalate to help. That's the branch where a clinician, the nearby person, or a swapped shift comes in.

5. Red flags — stop DIY, get help

For the baby — call your local emergency number or go to the nearest emergency department now if: the baby can't feed, or has far fewer wet nappies; is hard to wake, floppy, or unusually sleepy or irritable; is breathing fast or hard, grunting, sucking in at the ribs, or blue around the lips; has a rash that does not fade when you press a glass to it; has a fit; vomits green. And separately: a 5-month-old who simply "isn't right" — feeding poorly, unusually sleepy, hot or cold — is a same-day clinician call, not a wait-and-see. I can't tell you which applies to yours; that's an examination, not a phone call.

For you:

• If you're so tired you can't reliably stay awake to feed safely, or you keep drifting off with the baby — that's the moment to call in help (the nearby person, a clinician for sleep support), not to push harder.
• If either of you has thoughts of harming yourself or the baby: put the baby in the cot, step away from each other, and call your local emergency number or go to the nearest emergency department. Tell me your city or country and I'll look up the local number for you.
• If you're the one who gave birth: heavy bleeding, fever, worsening abdominal pain, chest pain, a severe headache, or feeling unsafe → see a clinician promptly.

6. What success looks like in 24 hours

• The split is on paper with clock times, and the middle-hour rule is decided.
• Neither of you has argued about who got up in the last 24 hours.
• Both adults got one protected sleep block, and you got a 20–25 minute nap before 3pm.
• The safe-sleep setup is in place: baby on their back, own flat surface, same room, and nobody on the sofa.
• Total wake-ups may not drop at all. Success here is not fewer wake-ups — it's that you're not doing all of them, and neither of you is too tired to be safe with the baby.

One thing that would sharpen the plan: your partner's actual shift start and wake-up time, so I can fill the table with real clock times instead of blanks. And if Sunday after bedtime is your window for the talk, we can do the 10 minutes together then.