I am the parent of an autistic child and

You're not failing — you're depleted, and depleted is a fixable condition. The job tonight isn't to solve anything; it's to get two hours of your life back and one phone call in motion.

##1) What you tried vs. what usually works better

2) Tonight and tomorrow, in order

Next 30 minutes (child settled or with the other adult):

1. Text the parent group — one message, ask for one thing (see script below).
2. Text/call the respite service and ask for a Saturday slot.
3. Put the handover sheet on the fridge (below) so tonight needs no new decisions.

Tonight (keep it under 25 minutes of effort):

• Kitchen: cook one familiar food your child already eats — pasta, rice, eggs, whatever passes without negotiation. No new ingredients, no "healthy experiment." If they eat only3–4 foods, that's fine tonight; texture and predictability beat nutrition on a depleted day.
• Set the house up for tomorrow morning: shoes by the door, breakfast out on the counter, visual schedule in one photo on the fridge.
• Your break: 20 minutes, doing something with zero decisions — shower, one episode of something, sit outside. Not scrolling your own child-related news. A nap counts.

Tomorrow morning, first thing: one of two actions, not both:

• If respite isn't booked → make the respite call yourself (not the group, not the elder). Respite often has a waitlist; the first caller gets the slot.
• If respite *is* booked → tell the elder/sibling the date out loud and put it in the group chat. Commitment made visible.

3) Where real support comes from (four doors)

1. Your parent group — already yours. Best used as a *task board*, not a venting circle: "Who can do Wednesday bath this week?"
2. Respite care — you have one local option. Ask specifically: "Do you have weekend or after-school hours? Can I book2 hours on Saturday?" Ask about recurring blocks rather than one-offs; recurring is easier to get and easier to defend. A general directory route is also the Autism Speaks respite page (autismspeaks.org/respite-care) if you want a second local option to compare.
3. Caregiver training (parent training / family training delivered by a clinic) — evidence-based programs teach you communication and regulation strategies that reduce daily friction, and they give you trained peers who call you back. Ask the child's clinic: "Is there a parent-training or family-support program attached to our service?"
4. Your own support — caregiver-only counselling or a peer group for parents of autistic children. This is a separate thing from the child's therapy, and it's the door most worn-out parents never open. Look for "parent mental health" or "carer support" through the same service that provides respite.

Tell me your country and city and I'll name the specific services and how to apply.

4) Constraints and avoid list

Avoid:

• Any supplement, "calming" powder, herbal sleep product, or medication bought online — no diagnosis, no dose decisions, no changing anything a clinician prescribed.
• Adding or removing any medicine without the prescriber, including anything "just for the weekend."
• New foods, new routines, new therapy demands in the next48 hours.
• Cancelling a booked respite block because "it's not that bad today." That is how the waitlist wins.
• Comparing your child to other children, or reading about outcomes that require a paid program. Both drain you and change nothing tonight.
• Being the only person who knows the routine. Write it down.

Keep:

• Familiar food, familiar order, one adult per task, one break for you per week on the calendar.

5) Red flags — when to stop DIY

Child — call your local emergency number or go to urgent care now if:

• Injuries themselves, head injuries, or a new pattern of self-hitting that has escalated
• Stops eating or drinking, or refuses fluids with signs of dehydration
• Marked regression: words or skills lost, especially after a change or illness
• New or worsening sleep disruption that hasn't settled in days, plus daytime aggression
• Any sign of medical pain (ear, tooth, stomach, constipation) surfacing as behaviour change — pain is the most common hidden driver of autistic behaviour change
• Sleep that looks like seizure episodes (staring, unresponsive, unusual movements)

You — this is the one to watch:

• Three or more nights of almost no sleep, or shaking, panic, or confusion- The thought that the family would be better off if you weren't here, or any urge to hurt yourself
• Feeling unable to keep the child safe for the next hour

For any of the last group: put the child with a trusted adult and call your local emergency number or a crisis line now. That is not failure, it is the correct call. If you're in immediate danger, call emergency services first; ask someone to stay with the child.

Emergency handover — screenshot this, take it with you:

```
Child: ____ Age: ____ Diagnosis on file: autism (+ anything else)
Allergies: ____
Current meds (name + who prescribed, from the bottle): ____
Last dose given: ____
Baseline behaviour: ____
Sleep: ____ hours, usual bedtime ____
What usually calms them: ____
What makes it worse: ____
Parent's note (one line): ____
```

6) What success looks like in 24 hours

Not "child is better." Not "I feel fine." Concretely, by tomorrow night:

1. One respite hour booked (or in a call that is being answered).
2. One message sent to the group asking for one concrete thing.
3. One 20-minute break actually taken — you can name when.
4. One task reassigned to the elder or sibling, in writing, with a name and a day attached.
5. One line written down for the clinic: sleep, appetite, behaviour, and how long it's been this way.

None of that fixes autism, and I'm not promising it will. But it's the difference between holding it alone on week 40 and holding it with a schedule, one shared task, and at least one hour that's yours.

If you tell me your country and city, and roughly your child's age and school situation, I'll point you at the specific local doors and draft the messages so you can just send them.