Our pediatrician said wait, but our todd

Short answer: your pediatrician's "wait" is the rule that binds, so tonight you do *preparation*, not training — and preparation is exactly what you can start even while you wait. Interest in the potty is a good sign, but on its own it's not the whole picture; the decision below sorts that out in about two minutes.

First, the two guides don't fully agree — so your doctor breaks the tie

• CDC milestone card (18-month and 2-year): "most children are not ready until 2–3 years; starting too early can cause setbacks — ask the child's doctor." Source: cdc-2-years https://www.cdc.gov/act-early/milestones/2-years.html
• NHS (accessed 2026-10-31): "Almost all children can be potty trained between 18 months and 2-and-a-half years old… You do not need to wait for your child to show signs." https://www.nhs.uk/best-start-in-life/toddler/potty-training-your-child/

Both are reasonable; they disagree on whether signs are required and on timing. Your pediatrician has seen *your* child, so "wait" wins — and the script below turns "wait" into something specific.

(1) What you tried vs. what works better

(2) The decision tree — read it once, then stop

Step 1. What did "wait" mean? Ask the pediatrician (script A):

• "Wait until an age" → Note the age. Do only preparation until then; training starts on that date.
• "Wait until signs" → Count the signs below.
• "Wait until next visit" → Bring the signs list and the prep log to that visit.

Step 2. Readiness signs (the commonly used list): your child does most of these →1. Stays dry for 2+ hours, or wakes dry from naps

1. Tells you or shows signs: goes quiet, gestures at the bathroom, walks away, hides
2. Shows interest: watches you, imitates, likes being in the bathroom
3. Can pull pants down and up (or asks for help with them)
4. Follows a simple two-step instruction ("get the potty, sit down")
5. Seems uncomfortable with a wet/dirty diaper, or stands up to be changed
6. Walks and balances to reach the toilet (with or without a step)

How to read it:

• 0–2 signs → prepare only. The interest is good; the rest of the list isn't there yet.
• 3+ signs, and dry2+ hours → reasonable to *propose starting to the pediatrician* — not to start unilaterally.
• All or nearly all signs → the "wait" may already be satisfied. Say so to the pediatrician and get a green light.
• Under 2 years old and 3+ signs → still wait, but prepare — readiness alone doesn't override your doctor's advice.

Step 3. Then, only with a green light: daytime only, nappies stay on for naps and night; clothes easy to pull up/down; offer the toilet after waking, after eating, before going out, before naps, before bed (NHS list); praise effort, not dryness.

(3) Tonight / today — three blocks, ~20 minutes total

A. Prep session (10 min, one time this week). Put the potty chair where the child can see it, or set a stable step at the toilet (a low wooden step or sturdy box you already own is fine — nothing to buy yet). Read one potty book. Change nappies in the bathroom from now on so the bathroom is where wee/poo happens.

B. Routine anchor (5 min/day). One toilet visit after lunch, 2–3 minutes, one short book, then done. Say the same thing every time: *"Pee in potty."* Keep the diaper on during these visits until the green light — you're practising the *seat*, not the *skill*.

C. Write the note (5 min). Three dated lines: which readiness signs you've seen, how long they stayed dry, what happened after the accidents were punished. This is what makes the pediatrician's next answer concrete — and it works whether you wait2 weeks or 6.

D. Align the adults (5 min, one conversation). Whoever shares the care needs the same three rules. Say it once, out loud, to the elder/sibling caregiver: *"Same three rules: toilet after lunch, no pressure, accidents are fine."* Don't let the toddler be the one relaying house rules between adults, and don't make the older sibling the enforcer.

E. Scripts to screenshot:

• To the pediatrician (email/portal): "You asked us to wait on potty training. So I can plan: do you mean until a certain age, or until you see certain signs? Until then, is it fine to do readiness steps only — sitting on the toilet with a book, changing nappies in the bathroom? Is there anything you'd want us to watch for first?"
• To the other caregiver at home: "Same three rules this week: toilet after lunch, no pressure, accidents are fine — we just clean up together. Please keep those three so she/he doesn't get two different versions."
• To the toddler (two or three words): "Pee in potty." / "Accident — okay, we clean."
• To your partner/backup (fill the slots): "I need 20 minutes with the toddler at ____ , and no one else asking me things then. Can you cover ____ ?"

Constraints and avoid list

• No pressure, no countdowns, no "one more minute" bargaining, no rewards tied to staying dry (praise effort; stickers for trying are fine).
• No scolding, no sighing, no withholding affection after an accident. No pulling the child off the toilet mid-attempt.
• Don't remove night diapers or nap diapers as part of this; keep them.
• Don't launch training during a busy stretch (school week, illness, a move, a new baby) — NHS: choose a calm time with few changes at once.
• No gear run before the pediatrician green light. No quick fixes of any kind for constipation: no powders, no laxatives, no supplements, no buying anything online.
• Don't use the bathroom as a reward or a punishment; never withhold bathroom access.
• Don't compare with other children or with a sibling's timeline.
• No pressure on yourself to hit a date. "Trained" is a months-long process, not a weekend.

Red flags — when to stop DIY and get help

Talk to your child's doctor/health visitor within days, before changing anything:

• Hard, dry or pellet-like stools, straining, holding stool in, painful bowel movements (NHS: check constipation *before* stopping nappies)
• Pain or burning when peeing, blood in urine or stool, cloudy/foul-smell urine with fever, or back/side pain
• The child was dry and is now wetting again, or has lost a skill she had (words, walking, self-help) — that's a call to the doctor today, not a wait-and-see
• Visible distress around the toilet: hiding, crying, refusing to sit, withholding- No progress by around age 3, or starting school still in diapers — ask for a written plan

Same-day urgent care (don't wait on the potty plan):

• Cannot pass urine at all with a painful or swollen lower belly
• Repeated vomiting with refusal to drink, no urine, no tears, sunken eyes, or any sign of dehydration
• Any high fever with urinary symptoms, or a child who looks very unwell

I don't know your country or city, so I'm not writing an emergency number here — if it turns urgent, use your local emergency service or urgent-care line.

What success looks like in 24 hours: no voice raised, one calm 2–3 minute toilet sit, one accident handled without a comment, one note written for the pediatrician, and the other caregiver repeating the same three rules back to you. That's it. Nothing about dryness, and nothing that needs undoing later.

One question so I can sharpen this: how old is your toddler? (It changes which readiness list applies and whether "2–3 years" is around the corner or already here.)