My asthma has me struggling to breathe m

Tonight, before she wakes: change the front door from "locked with a key only" to "alarmed but openable from inside" — put the chime on that door, and check that you can actually hear it from your bed.

The key-only deadbolt is the one thing to undo first. It is the most common way a dementia patient's night exit ends in a fall, a traffic accident, or a neighbour finding her in the cold, and a door that needs a key from inside is a fire hazard in a house you cannot get her out of quickly. The chime replaces the lock: it warns you at the same moment it lets her out.

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1. What you tried vs. what to do instead

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2. Tonight and today — about 20 minutes, in this order

1. Walk every exterior door in the dark (front, back, garage, laundry, any balcony/utility door). Hands full. Open each from the inside with one hand. If a key, two hands, or more than one motion is needed → fix it tonight. *This is the fire-safety rule of the house: every exit opens from inside, in the dark, one hand, no key.*
2. Make the chime do its job. Sit on the pillow, have someone trigger it from the door. If you do not hear it clearly, add a second receiver or a phone notification by the bed. Cover the back door and garage too — most night exits are not the front door.
3. Remove the deadbolt from the door she reaches for at night. Fit the interior thumb-turn. Keep the key ring in an adult's pocket, not hers.
4. Motion night-lights in the hall, her bedroom doorway, and the bathroom path. No candles. Nothing that gets hot near the bed.
5. Keep the exit path clear — no bags, shoes, or boxes on the floor by the door.
6. Set the ritual: toilet before bed, then the same thing every night — low lights, warm drink, ten minutes of something familiar. Put the kettle on now so it is ready.
7. ID + one number: a card in her coat and wallet with her name, and one family phone number. Tell two neighbours: call me, do not chase her.

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3. Decision tree — what to do in the moment

```
Chime sounds / you hear the door
└─ Go within about a minute. Light on. Open it a hand's width.
├─ She wants the toilet / a drink / company → offer it, stay with her.
├─ She insists on going out → do not block, argue, or grab.
│ Walk with her a few minutes outside if it is safe, then
│ come back in with a snack and a light task.
└─ She is hard to rouse, newly muddled, or falls → emergency route below.

She gets outside
└─ Do NOT chase. One adult stays with her, calmly, close by.
Another adult calls a neighbour, then your local emergency number
if she is in traffic, near water, in cold or heat, has fallen,
or you cannot find her.

You wake up and the door is open
└─ The alert did not reach you. Fix the receiver tonight, and put a
second awake adult on the next few nights.

Nothing is working: she leaves repeatedly, or she is out alone
└─ This is no longer a DIY problem. Call her memory clinic / GP and
ask for a night-safety review and a home-care assessment.
```

Scripts you can screenshot

• To her: *"It's the middle of the night and it's dark and cold outside. I'm right here. Do you need the toilet? Would you like a warm drink?"*
• If she insists on leaving: *"I'm coming with you. Let's go out to the porch for a minute, then come back in for your tea."*
• To a neighbour: *"Hi, this is [name] at [address]. My mother has memory problems and sometimes walks out at night. If you see her, please call me at [number] — and please don't try to bring her back, she may be frightened."*
• To a relative covering a night: *"Can you take [day] night and I'll take [day]? If you can't, tell me by 6pm so I can plan."*
• To the clinic: *"She tries to leave the house at night, usually around [time]. We've added a door chime and a night-light and every exit still opens from inside without a key. What would you add? Could you review her medicines as a whole? Is there a local service for families dealing with walking out at night?"*

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4. Avoid list

• No locked, barred, chained, or padlocked exit she can reach — and never a padlock from the inside.
• No locked bathroom or bedroom door.
• Nothing heavy in front of a door; no step or furniture to climb over.
• No grabbing, restraining, chasing, or arguing with her facts.
• No sedating or "calming" medicine, and no powders or anything bought online for this. Every medicine decision belongs to her clinician.
• Do not shame her or say she is locked up. Do not tell her she is wrong.
• Do not leave her alone outdoors, even for a minute, to "fetch something".

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5. When to stop DIY

Call your local emergency number now — sudden new confusion or she is hard to rouse · one-sided weakness, droop, or slurred speech · a fit · chest pain or new breathlessness · a fall with a head knock, or any time on the floor · found outside in traffic, cold, or heat · she cannot be found or does not answer. Do not lift her by the arms after a fall; note how long she was on the floor.

Same-day clinician — more confused than her usual self over hours or days, even without a fever · night restlessness that is new or clearly worse · burning or cloudy urine, fever, new incontinence · drinking or eating much less, little urine · constipation with a swollen belly · a fall without a head knock · any medicine started, stopped, or changed this month. New confusion in a person with dementia can come from infection, dehydration, constipation, pain, or a medicine change — it is a symptom to report, not something to wait out at home.

Book with the memory clinic — the pattern: what time she leaves, how far she gets, how she is sleeping, and safety at home (stove, stairs). Ask for a review of her whole medicine list and for local night-care support.

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6. What success looks like in 24 hours (no cure promised)

• Every exit she can reach opens from inside without a key — checked by you, in the dark.
• You hear the chime from your bed within about a minute of it sounding.
• The key-only deadbolt is off that door.
• The bathroom trip and warm-drink ritual happened, with the times written on the fridge.
• Her ID card is in her coat; two neighbours know to call you.
• One message sent to her clinic about night safety and a medicine review.
• Zero nights with a locked exit.

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*Home-care guidance only — this does not diagnose, and no medicine changes are made here; every medicine decision belongs to her clinician. Timings above ("within about a minute", "10 minutes", the ~20-minute checklist) are practical estimates from this household's existing one-page plan, not measured figures. I could not verify a local emergency number for you because no town or country was given — use the emergency number on your phone's lock screen, or your operator's, and tell me your location and I will check the local official entry points.*

Source: merck-pro https://www.merckmanuals.com/professional/neurologic-disorders/delirium-and-dementia/delirium