My brother-in-law visits on weekends and
Ask
My brother-in-law visits on weekends and smokes cigarettes right on our back patio, just a few feet from the open screen door where our 3-year-old plays. Smoke drifts directly into the living room.
My husband agrees smoking around the kids is bad, but freezes up and won't say anything because he doesn't want to create an awkward family rift.
Can you provide:
1. The exact speakable words for my husband to say directly to his brother to set a clear, smoke-free house and yard boundary?
2. What to say if his brother dismisses it or says 'I'm outside, relax'?
Answer
**Husband to his brother (next weekend visit):**
Bro, when you visit, can you smoke down the street instead of on the patio? The screen door's open and our 3-year-old plays right there — the smoke drifts straight in.
**If he shrugs it off ("I'm outside, relax"):**
Heard you. Smoke still comes through that door. Down the street, please.
**Why this shape**
- One concrete ask — *smoke down the street* — not a verdict on him or on smoking.
- Your husband is the right one to deliver it. It's his brother, so the ask lands without making it a "your wife vs me" thing.
- "Down the street" gives his brother somewhere to go, so it doesn't read as being told to leave.
**If he pushes back further**, the same line repeats. A held sentence beats a fresh argument.
**One limit** — I can't rehearse him for you. The first time he says it will feel awkward even with the line ready. That first awkward use is what gets his voice back for the next one.