My 9-day-old has only been to medical ap

You can go tonight — but change one thing: the baby stays on your body, in a sling or your arms, the whole time. No passing around. A 9-day-old's immune system is still brand new, and the real risk at a family dinner isn't the food — it's hands, faces, and school-week germs within arm's reach. Keeping the baby in a carrier and limiting the visit to about an hour covers most of it.

One call that settles the family argument: ring the clinic line that saw her this week and ask, "Is a 12-person indoor dinner okay at 9 days?" Three minutes. Then whatever you decide isn't you being anxious — it's the doctor's line, and you can quote it.

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1. What you tried vs. better alternatives

Passing the baby around isn't a moral failure — it's the default at family dinners. But at 9 days it's the single highest-exposure thing you can do. You don't have to announce a reversal; just change the setup.

The school-week point: cousins and siblings home from school are the main germ carriers at a table like this. They don't need to be excluded — they just don't hold the baby, and they don't share cups, straws or spoons near her.

Kitchen/home, tonight, ~20 minutes total: bottles and pump parts washed and air-dried before you leave; the person preparing feeds has washed hands and isn't the one with a sniffle; nothing but milk goes in her mouth (no water, no honey, no tea, no "just a taste").

2. Avoid list

• No kissing — face, hands, head. A cold sore anywhere near a newborn is a genuine emergency, not a worry.
• Nobody with a cough, runny nose, fever, vomiting, diarrhoea, or a cold sore in the last few days holds her — or sits next to her. That's not rude to ask; it's the one rule worth being firm about.
• No crowded indoor rooms, no shopping-centre detour on the way, no "just popping in" to a second house after.
• No fever medicine, no home remedies, no drops, no supplements — I can't diagnose or advise on medication, and at this age a fever isn't a home problem anyway.
• No "she needs to build immunity" reasoning. That logic applies at two years old, not nine days.
• Don't make the school-age kids the messengers for the rules — you or your partner says it to the adults directly.

3. Decision tree for tonight

1. Is anyone attending sick, or sick in the last 3–5 days?

→ Yes: either they don't come, or the baby stays in a separate room and you leave early. A cold sore = hard no, no negotiation.

1. Is it indoors, more than ~8 people, with school-age kids?

→ Yes: sling on, one hour, near a window, no passing.

1. Are the grandparents going to be hurt if they can't hold her?

→ Offer the narrow exception: washed hands, seated, five minutes, no kissing — and say out loud that it's because they're the ones who matter most, not because they're trusted more.

1. Is the baby due a feed around dinner time?

→ Use it. "She needs to feed, we'll head off" is the easiest exit in the world.

1. Is anyone in the house already exhausted or run down?

→ Then decline without guilt. You've had nine days. One dinner isn't worth a depleted caregiver and a newborn.

4. Scripts you can screenshot

Before you go (text to the host):
> "We're coming! Heads up — we're keeping the baby on us the whole time, she's only 9 days so we're being careful with germs. What time should we arrive?"

At the door:
> "Before anyone holds her — washed hands, no kissing, and only if you're feeling completely well. Nothing personal, it's the nine-day rule."

When someone reaches anyway:
> "I know, she's very holdable. She stays with me for now — sit next to me and you'll get her at the first big milestone."

If someone's clearly unwell:
> "We'll stay, but I'm keeping her in the other room — Maya's coughing and I'm not risking it at nine days."

Leaving:
> "We're heading off so she stays on her feed schedule. Lovely evening, thank you for having us."

Declining, if you decide to:
> "We're going to sit this one out — nine days is just too early for a big dinner. Can we do a video call at six so she can meet everyone?"

5. Red flags — stop everything and get medical help now

This is the part that matters more than the dinner. For a baby under 28 days, these are not wait-and-see:

• Temperature 38.0 °C / 100.4 °F or higher, however you measured it → same hour, emergency. Don't give anything and watch. A fever at this age is treated as an emergency by design.
• Temperature below 36.5 °C, or cold and floppy.
• Feeding less than usual, refusing feeds, fewer wet nappies, dry mouth, sunken soft spot.
• Hard to wake, floppy, weak or high-pitched cry, can't be comforted.
• Fast or laboured breathing, grunting, ribs pulling in, pauses in breathing, blue/grey/pale lips or face.
• Any new rash — especially blisters, or a rash that doesn't fade when pressed.
• Jaundice getting deeper, or spreading to palms and soles.
• A blister on her lips or mouth, or anyone with a cold sore who kissed or touched her face.
• Green/bile vomiting, or blood in the nappy.

Call your local emergency number or the number your maternity unit gave you at discharge — right then, not in the morning. I can't diagnose her or tell you what medicine to give; what I can tell you is that these signs at nine days are a "go now," not a "watch tonight."

What success looks like in 24 hours

Not "she didn't catch anything" — nobody can promise that. What you can actually check tomorrow: she fed roughly as often as usual, wet nappies as usual, warm and pink, waking for feeds, no fever. Nobody with symptoms held her and no one kissed her. You ate a proper meal and got one stretch of sleep. And you have one sentence you can reuse at the next invitation, so it isn't a fresh fight every time.

If she was born early, was small for dates, or had jaundice or any other issue at the one-week check, treat tonight as riskier and make that clinic call before you decide.