My partner is in hospital and I am alone

Tonight is Saturday night, you are alone with a 4-week-old, and your partner is in hospital. The single most important thing: the sofa-doze you have been using is the biggest risk in this house, and it gets redesigned tonight — not "try harder to stay awake."

This is practical home care only: routines, food you already have, and scripts you can screenshot. No diagnosis, no medication or feeding changes, no powders, nothing bought online.

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1) What you've tried vs. what works better

Infant night waking is normal — many babies wake through the night for the first year. Your goal tonight is not a baby who sleeps through; it's that no adult falls asleep holding the baby, and one adult is genuinely asleep at any time.

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2) Tonight's three moves (each ≤ 25 minutes)

Move 1 — Make the sleep space safe (15 min, now)

• Baby's cot/bassinet: firm, flat, flat level, nothing in it — no pillows, duvet, loose blanket, soft toy, bumper pad.
• Baby on their back for every sleep.
• Same room as you, own sleep surface, not your bed.
• If you smoke, drink alcohol, take anything that makes you drowsy, or your baby was premature/under 2.5 kg: no bed-sharing — cot only, no exceptions.
• Put a chair/spot next to the cot for the 3 a.m. feed. If you feel yourself drifting off while holding the baby, the answer is *put the baby down first*, then close your eyes sitting upright.

Move 2 — Write the shift plan on one page (10 min)
Fill in tonight's actual clock, in your own times:

```
SHIFT TONIGHT (Sat __ / __ )
20:00–22:30 A awake with baby | B asleep in bed (protected block)
22:30–00:30 B awake with baby | A asleep in bed
00:30–02:00 A awake | B asleep
02:00–04:00 HELPER (name): bring baby to A, nappy, hold, settle, put back on back in cot
04:00–06:00 A awake | B asleep
06:00–07:30 B awake | A asleep
Wake-up time for the adult on the night shift: ______ (same tomorrow too)
```
Rules on the sheet: the asleep adult is not woken for anything but a red flag; the helper never holds the baby while sitting or lying down.

Move 3 — One hot meal + one handover kit (20 min, before21:00)

• From what's already in your kitchen: one-pot rice + beans/lentils + any vegetable, or eggs + bread, or soup with what you have. Eat it hot, sitting down.
• Put a filled water bottle and a snack within arm's reach of where feeds happen. Keep the kettle ready.
• Kit by the cot: nappy, wipes, spare vest, muslin, water bottle, snack, the shift sheet, pen.

The caregiver's wind-down, 20 min before the shift starts: dim lights, phone face-down out of reach, no caffeine for the last 6 hours before the block you want to sleep, 10 minutes of movement/stretching earlier in the day. No alcohol as a sleep aid — it shortens the time to fall asleep and then breaks the night.

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3) Scripts — screenshot these and send them

To the elder or sibling in the house tonight:
> "I need you on the baby for two blocks tonight: [20:30–22:30] and [02:00–03:30]. Your job: bring her to me for feeds, change the nappy, hold and settle her for a few minutes, then put her on her back in her cot and come back to bed. Two rules: if she's crying and I'm asleep, wake me — don't try to settle her alone for more than 10 minutes; and never hold her while sitting or lying down, even for a minute. If you feel yourself nodding off, put her in the cot first. Thank you — this is what gets me through tomorrow."

To a neighbour or friend (outside help, one 2-hour block):
> "I'm alone with our 4-week-old and my partner is in hospital. Could you come [21:00–23:00] to hold and settle the baby while I sleep? Two things that matter: the baby sleeps on her back in her own cot, and if you feel sleepy you put her down in the cot first — no sofa, no carrying her while you sit. If she needs a feed, please bring her to me. I'd also love you to walk the dog / bring dinner, whatever is easiest."

Handover note for the fridge (fill and stick up):
> "Baby: ______. Feed times today: ______. Nappy last changed: ______.
> Her sleep space: own cot, on her back, nothing in the cot, same room as us.
> If she's crying and I'm asleep — wake me.
> Please don't settle her on the sofa/armchair or in a bed.
> Emergencies: our doctor ______ / nearest children's emergency ______."

To the ward nurse (about your partner, not the baby):
> "My partner is admitted and I'm at home alone with our 4-week-old. Is there anything you can ask them to arrange — a volunteer, a social worker, equipment for the baby, or help with discharge timing — that would make the night survivable for me?"

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4) Avoid list (short and hard)

• No dozing on the sofa or armchair with the baby — ever, and no "just this once." This is the one thing to change tonight.
• No bed-sharing if you smoke, drink, take anything sedating, or baby was premature/under 2.5 kg. If it happens anyway: baby on back, pillows and duvet away, no other children or pets in the bed.
• No pillows, duvet, loose blanket, soft toy, or bumper pad in the cot.
• No melatonin, herbal drops, "sleep powders," or any medication for the baby or for you — and nothing bought online. Feeding and medicines stay exactly as the baby's own plan/clinician set them.
• No "sleep training" for a 4-week-old — nothing above safe sleep.
• No driving when sleepy, and no "I'll just manage a short drive."
• Don't build the plan around one adult's alertness at 3 a.m.

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5) Decision tree

```
Is the baby unwell?
├─ Yes: temp ≥38°C/100.4°F and under 3 months old, OR blue/grey lips or face,
│ OR pauses in breathing, OR hard to wake/floppy, OR refusing feeds /
│ fewer wet nappies │ → STOP the sleep plan. Same-day/urgent clinician NOW (under-3-month fever = urgent, not next week).
└─ No → continue belowAre YOU safe?
├─ You're nodding off / drifting while holding the baby, or you have fallen asleep on the sofa
│ → Put the baby in the cot first, wake the second adult, or call the neighbour. Do not drive.
└─ You feel you cannot keep going / thoughts of harming yourself → Tell me your country or city and I'll pull the local emergency number and
nearest emergency department. Also name ONE person who can sit with you tonight.

Neither → run tonight's three moves: safe sleep space → shift plan → meal + handover kit.
```

"Success" in 24 hours (no cure promised): no adult dozing on the sofa with the baby; at least one 3-hour block where an adult is properly asleep; two hot meals and water; one named helper confirmed for one specific block; and a cot that is ready for the next feed before you need it.

Weekly anchor (one sentence): *Every night this week, one adult sleeps a protected 3-hour block in a bed while the other is awake with the baby, and the baby always sleeps on their back in their own flat cot in the same room — the sofa and armchair stay out of the night.*

Record, or clinician? This week is a record week: just the shift sheet — when the baby slept, who was awake, who slept when. Not a full diary; there isn't time. And book a contact with the baby's health visitor / GP / paediatric clinic this week (not an emergency — this week's appointment): tell them you are solo with a 4-week-old while your partner is in hospital, bring the shift sheet, and ask about feeding support, weight check, and any local parent-at-home help. If the baby's feeding or weight is worrying you, that is a same-day question, not a next-week one.

Reminder: I can set a daily reminder for the handover and the fixed wake-up time — tell me your city or time zone and I'll set it for your actual local hours.

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6) Red flags — stop DIY, get clinical or urgent help

For the baby — go now, don't wait for a quiet night:

• Temperature 38°C / 100.4°F or higher in a baby under 3 months → urgent same-day medical advice (in the UK: NHS 111; elsewhere: your local urgent/emergency service). I can't tell you which line applies where until you give me your country or city — I won't guess a number.
• Blue or grey colour around the lips or face, or pauses in breathing, grunting or struggling to breathe → emergency department now.
• Hard to wake, floppy, or markedly less alert than usual → emergency now.
• Refusing feeds, fewer wet nappies than usual, repeated vomiting, or a cry you can't settle → same-day clinician today.
• Any new rash with fever → same-day.

For you — the plan stops, help comes first:

• You fell asleep on the sofa with the baby, or you were nodding off while holding them → the baby goes into the cot first; then get another adult or a neighbour in. Tell me your country or city and I'll pull the official emergency number and nearest emergency department for anything urgent.
• Thoughts of harming yourself, or "I can't keep going" → say so plainly and I'll give you the local emergency number and the nearest department, plus we name one person who sits with you tonight.

Who decides: the clinician or pharmacist decides anything about medicines, feeding changes, weights, and any monitor readings. Bring the shift sheet; I read neither a device number nor a medical report — if there's a home monitor or a report, the person who set it up reads the trace, not me and not a number on a screen.

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Sources: NHS safe sleep advice for babies (cot, back, same room) and NHS SIDS guidance — `references/child-sleep.md` (NHS SIDS; Lullaby Trust co-sleeping supplement); infant sleep need 12–16 h per 24 h including naps (AASM 2016, `references/hygiene.md`); night waking normal in infancy — Newcastle Hospitals Children's Sleep Service; fever in children, NHS (under 3 months + 38°C → urgent advice) — https://www.nhs.uk/symptoms/fever-in-children/; safe sleep for babies, NHS — https://www.nhs.uk/best-start-in-life/baby/baby-basics/newborn-and-baby-sleeping-advice-for-parents/safe-sleep-advice-for-babies/. All accessed 2026-09-02 / this turn.