My 68-year-old mother depends on me and

No, it isn't wrong — and it isn't a sign you're a bad child. Not wanting to *be in the room* is a very common response to sustained caregiving load. The problem was never the feeling; it was that "yes to everything" turned the feeling into resentment without ever giving you an off-ramp. Care is owed to her; unlimited access to her time is not owed to anyone.

*(No members were selected this turn, so I'm using only what you told me: your mother is 68, you have a school week, a sibling is nearby, the anchor is Sunday plus a weekly call, and visits are short and planned.)*

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1. What you tried vs. a better alternative

The one-sentence frame: "I'm going to keep doing this for years, so I'm holding a fixed line I can actually sustain, instead of promising everything and then going blank on you."

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2. Constraints and avoid list

Hard boundaries (also protects you):

• No diagnosis, no medication changes, no dosing decisions for her — yours or anyone else's, on or off the shelf.
• No prescription meds bought online, no powders, herbs or remedies "that people use."
• If she asks you to change, split, double or skip a dose: that's her doctor or pharmacist's call, not the family's. Offer to sit with her while she makes the call.
• Don't diagnose her mood, forgetfulness, or sleep from conversation. Note what you saw, bring it to a clinician.
• Don't assign blame with a verdict ("you never help") — assign the slot ("I need the first Saturday from you").

Also avoid:

• Last-minute cancellations. Cancel *early and specifically*, or the anchor stops meaning anything.
• Grand gestures that set a new baseline you can't hold.
• Her being the messenger for adult business (money, blame, other relatives). Adults talk to adults.
• Doing five chores *and* holding a long conversation in the same visit — that's a job, not a visit.

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3. Tonight — about 25 minutes, in three chunks

Chunk 1 (10 min) — write the standing offer. Put it somewhere you'll see it.
> "Standing offer: Sunday 3:00–6:00pm, plus a 30-minute Wednesday call. Anything else, I'll say no by default and answer within 24 hours. I'm not withdrawing — I'm pacing myself so I can keep going."

Chunk 2 (10 min) — pick exactly two tasks to hand off. Not care tasks. Shopping, one cleaning session, the pharmacy, a form. Two, not five.

Chunk 3 (5 min) — send the sibling text:
> "I'm holding Sunday afternoons and the Wednesday call. I need two hours on the first Saturday of each month from you — shopping, a meal together, or just sitting with her. Pick whichever is easiest. I'm asking now so it's planned, not an emergency favour."

Screenshottable scripts:

*Small extra request arrives:*
> "I can do [specific day/time]. After that I'm not able to take it on this week."

*To her, when she says "you never come":*
> "I know it doesn't feel like enough. I'm there Sunday, and I call Wednesday. That's the line I can hold for years — if I break it once, it won't last."

*Medical question at the table:*
> "I'm not the right person for that question — let's call your nurse together and I'll sit with you."

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4. Decision tree for any new request

```
Is it a safety emergency? (see red flags)
├─ YES → not a conversation. Get her to urgent/emergency care now.
└─ NO
├─ Inside my standing offer (Sun3–6, Wed call)?
│ ├─ YES → do it, or delegate it.
│ └─ NO ↓ ├─ Can the sibling or a paid helper take it this week?
│ ├─ YES → send the ask, don't do it yourself.
│ └─ NO ↓
└─ Answer in 24h with one of three lines:
• "Yes, [exact time]."
• "No — I can't this week. Here's what I can do instead: ___."
• "Let me get back to you tomorrow." ← always allowed
```

The fourth branch matters most. "Let me get back to you" is not avoidance; it's the pause that keeps resentment from forming.

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5. Red flags — stop DIY, get clinical or urgent help

These are clinician/urgent-care territory. Same day, not "next Sunday":

• A fall with a head strike, or she can't bear weight, or a limb looks deformed
• Chest pain, severe breathlessness, blue lips, sudden confusion, difficulty waking
• Not drinking for a full day, very little urine, dry mouth, sunken eyes — dehydration in a 68-year-old escalates fast
• Fever plus confusion, or breathing faster than usual
• New difficulty swallowing, choking on liquids, or a wet/gurgly voice after eating
• Repeated missed doses, or she asks you to double, skip, or buy medication herself
• Any mention of being unable to care for herself safely at home, wandering, leaving the stove on, or falling repeatedly

For any of these: call your local emergency number, or her doctor / urgent care — do not wait for your Sunday visit.

One red flag is for you, too. If you reach a point of constant desperation, sleeping almost nothing, fantasising about just disappearing, or anything that scares you around her — that's a clinical matter too, not a character flaw. Say so to her doctor, a trusted person, or a caregiver support line. Sustained resentment in a caregiver is a well-recognised sign that the arrangement needs more help than one person can give.

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What success looks like in 24 hours

Not "feeling better." Three structural facts you can check:

1. The standing offer exists in writing, in your own words.
2. One message has gone out to the sibling or helper asking for a named slot.
3. Your next Sunday visit is still on the calendar and still yours to keep.

If all three are true, you did the job for today — regardless of how you feel at9pm. Feel better comes from having a line you kept, not from having none.