I have a 3 year old toddler. My toddler
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I have a 3 year old toddler. My toddler is extremely picky with eating. She doesn't eat any vegetables and most fruits. I make pies, cakes, pancakes with blended vegetables, fruits, oats etc multiple times a week to make sure she gets them. I also make pizza sauce with carrot and spinach for her. So I make sure she gets her veggies but I badly want her to eat them on her own. She's also one of the most picky eaters in her daycare.
My husband is a disciplinarian. When we go out, we will have plans to take her to a park after. If she doesn't eat the food we get for her, my husband immediately takes her home and immediately to her bed. He says it's a must as she needs to learn to eat and if we take her to the park, it's like rewarding her for not eating. It's the same in the house as well. When she doesn't eat her veggies, he takes away her toys and gets her to bed. However this tactic doesn't seem to be working. She's so stubborn. I also want to take her to the park and let her run around and get some exercise. He says I will be creating a spoilt kid.
She's my miracle baby and when she cries for me and comes to me for a hug when she doesn't get to go to the park, it breaks my heart. My husband was raised with very limited means, so he never wastes any food. He will literally clear everything in a plate. While I respect that, I feel our daughter is too young to understand she's wasting food. He's an otherwise very involved parent. This food issue started off very insignificant but is becoming a bigger issue. How can I talk to my husband tonight so we can stop punishing our 3-year-old over food and get on the same page?
Answer
I'll check the relevant reference cards before drafting the line.
Same goal as you — I don't want her wasting food. Putting her to bed and taking the park away when she skips a meal isn't moving her to eat more; it's making her dread meals and cry. For two weeks, can we keep the park separate from food — and if her eating doesn't change, we go back to your way?
Why this shape: opens on alliance rather than verdict, names the *tactic* not him, and the "two weeks, then back to your way" is the request — one concrete thing he can do or not do, with a built-in exit so it doesn't read as you overriding him.
If he pushes back ("she needs consequences" / "you're spoiling her"):
I hear you. That's why it's two weeks, not forever. If her eating doesn't improve, we go back.
If he agrees, pin the two weeks down before the week starts so it doesn't drift:
- Park is separate — same as bath time, not a reward for eating.
- Same bedtime hour, no matter how much she ate.
- One veg on the plate she has to touch; the rest is hers.
- Day 14, sit down and compare what the table looks like — not her weight, the table.
Honest limit: I can't make him agree tonight. If he reads this as you going around him, it lands as a fight and nothing moves — better to pause and try again at a calmer hour than to push it through the same breath. And one line won't shift a habit that's been building; it opens the door. The shift happens in what you both do over the next two weeks, not in the sentence.