I am plus size and pregnant, and I feel
Question
I am plus size and pregnant, and I feel judged at appointments. What extra care is recommended for larger-bodied pregnancies, and how do I advocate for respectful care? Real household: caregiver juggling school week and one elder or sibling nearby. Schedule: Mon; 20 weeks. Kitchen/home right now: writing questions down. Already tried: skipping appointments. Please answer as a practical family-care guide: what to do next tonight/today, what to avoid, and a clear decision tree. Constraints: respect «No diagnosis, no medication changes»; no dosing kids/pets/elders yourself; no mystery powders or buying prescription meds online; keep steps screenshot-friendly under ~25 minutes where cooking/care applies. Structure your help as (1) what I already tried vs better alternatives, (2) constraints/avoid list, (3) red flags—when to stop DIY and get clinical/urgent help. Keep the voice concrete and kind for a tired caregiver; stay inside kitchen/home-care/communication levers only. Name what success looks like in 24 hours without promising cures. Avoid brand shopping lists; focus on routines, food already at home, and communication scripts caregivers can screenshot.
Réponse
No profile was selected this turn, so I'm working only from what you wrote: 20 weeks, plus size, feeling judged at appointments, Monday is your next visit, a caregiver in the house juggling school week, and you're at the kitchen table with a list.
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1) What you tried vs. a better lever
Tried: skipping appointments. Understandable — being weighed and talked to about your body every visit is a lot. But skipping is the one move that quietly costs you the most leverage: weight, blood pressure, swelling, and screening history all become *guesses* at delivery instead of records, and gaps tend to turn into extra lectures rather than fewer.
Better: keep the appointments, change the conditions around them. You don't need to convince anyone to like the pregnancy. You need three concrete things requested plainly, in writing, in the chart, at the visit. Weight is the least important of them.
Ask to have these three documented in your chart (say them out loud, then ask "can you write that in so I don't have to re-explain?"):
- A standing plan for the weight conversation — e.g. "Please log my weight privately, not on the board. We can discuss it only if I bring it up." Many clinics accept this; it's a chart-setting preference, not a fight about numbers.
- Blood pressure taken with a correctly sized cuff — larger bodies are frequently misread with a standard cuff, sometimes as high, sometimes not high enough. Ask what cuff they use, or ask to have it noted. This is about measurement accuracy, not about you being difficult.
- An explicit plan you can see — what gets checked at each visit from here to delivery, and which screenings are scheduled when.
The general-care points worth asking about (your clinic decides the specifics, not me): blood pressure and swelling checked consistently with a documented trend; glucose screening scheduled as your provider recommends; a named contact person for out-of-hours concerns; and, for delivery, telling them early that you want anesthesia involved in planning *before* the day, not on it. Ask those as questions, so it lands as a request for their plan rather than you reciting a textbook.
Bring one person. One appointment, the sibling or elder you're nearby — someone whose job that day is to sit there, not to advocate at you. Write down in advance the one sentence they should say if a comment lands badly: *"Could we keep the conversation to the plan for today?"*
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2) Tonight, in three passes (about 25 minutes total)
Pass 1 — finish the list (10 min). The list you started is the right object. Just sort it into three piles:
- *Facts only my clinic can answer* → these go to Monday- *Preferences I want in the chart* → the three lines above
- *Support I need from this house* → the caregiver conversation
Pass 2 — write the Monday script (10 min). Screenshot-ready, at the bottom. Read it out loud twice so it doesn't feel foreign in the room.
Pass 3 — protect Monday (5 min). Deciding the caregiver question now is what saves you on the day.
Say this to your caregiver — screenshot-friendly:
> I'm 20 weeks and the appointments have been hard to sit through. Two things I need, not a big plan:
> Monday — can you come with me to the appointment and just sit with me? You're the one person who comes.
> Any other day — when I'm back and wrecked, I need the next two hours off. I'll feed everyone before I go.
> If I say "I need to sit down," that means I need the next hour quiet. I don't need advice, I need quiet.
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3) Constraints — what to avoid
| Avoid | Because |
|---|---|
| Skipping appointments or arriving late | Gaps cost you records and leverage, not respect |
| Buying supplements, powders, "pregnancy detox" or weight products online | Unregulated; some interact with prenatal vitamins; not worth the risk |
| Fasting, skipping meals, or "eating for two" | Neither is a plan; your clinic sets weight-gain guidance for your pregnancy |
| Not eating before a visit | Nausea on a full stomach plus judgement is a bad combination |
| Fighting every comment in the room | It costs you energy you need for the next 20 weeks |
| Making it a whole-house crisis | One person, one visit, two hours. Keep it small enough that it actually happens |
Also: no new supplement, no dose change, no medication question answered here — those belong to your provider or pharmacist. Bring the list of anything you *are* taking to Monday.
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4) Red flags — stop DIY, get clinical help now
These are not things to weigh, research, or wait out. Contact your maternity unit, L&D, or local emergency service the same day or go in:
- Vaginal bleeding that isn't light spotting
- Severe or persistent headache, especially with visual changes, or sudden swelling in face/hands
- Chest pain, breathlessness, or pain in one calf with swelling
- Fluid leaking from the vagina
- Regular contractions, or cramping that doesn't ease
- Fever, or burning/pain with urination
- Movement changing or slowing noticeably — this one is about *change*, not waiting. When you're not sure, you call.
- Feeling something is wrong and you can't explain it — that counts on its own
If you feel unsafe or disbelieved at a visit: you may change providers, ask for a nurse, or request a written summary of what was decided. Those are your rights as a patient; you don't need to argue for them.
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5) What success looks like in 24 hours
Not a fix. Three small, countable things:
- The list exists, sorted into three piles, with the Monday questions written as full sentences you can read off your phone.
- The caregiver conversation happened — even briefly. You asked for one appointment and two hours. That's the ask.
- You know what you're carrying into the room on Monday: three sentences, one supporter, and permission to say "can you write that in so I don't have to re-explain?"
You will not leave Monday with the whole thing resolved. You're aiming for a chart that says what you want and a person in the room who comes with you.
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The Monday lines — screenshot this:
> *Before we start: I'd like my weight logged privately, not on the board, and for us to discuss it only if I raise it.*
>
> *What cuff are you using for my blood pressure? I'd like it noted in my chart.*
>
> *Can you write down what gets checked at each visit from here, and which screenings are due when?*
And if a comment lands badly:
> *Could we keep the conversation to the plan for today?*
That's it. One private preference, one measurement request, one written plan — three sentences you can read in under a minute, standing up, before you've spent anything emotionally.