I don't want to become my parents' full-

I'll look at what you already have on file before saying anything.

You don't have to decide tonight whether you're a good son or daughter. You have to put a number on what you can hold, and get it in writing before Monday. The hallway yes is recoverable — that's the good news of this whole week.

What I found in your folder: (internal file path omitted) — a discharge question memo and support handbook, headed "Tuesday conference," with a section for your father's medication list, home activity limits, food texture, home services, emergency contacts, a daily log, That file was not generated this turn — the draft above is what I have. so anything below about agencies and money is general. If you share those two, I'll build the hours-vs-cost split from your actual numbers.

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1. What you already tried vs. what works better

Tonight, 25 minutes, in this order

1. 10 min — the sheet, not your feelings. Open `visit_sheet_stroke.md`. Fill in *only* what you can read off a fact, no guessing: section 5 (emergency contacts) and section 4 (which home services are still undecided). Copy section 5 onto the fridge door. Leave sections 1, 2 and 3 blank — those are the ward's answers to give you, not yours to guess.
2. 10 min — one page, four lines. My weekly hours available for Dad. My hard no (school nights). The two tasks only I can do. The one thing I'm willing to be the backup for. Nothing else on the page.
3. 5 min — the call script, below. Then send the numbers to your sibling in writing after the call, so it becomes a record and not a memory contest.

For the 20:30 call tonight:

> "Before we get into feelings, let's do numbers. How many hours a week can each of us actually hold — with jobs and the school week? Here's mine: ___ a week. Here's what I can do: ___. Here's what I can't: ___. If I say yes to more than that, it breaks in about week three, and then nobody gets anything. So let's set the real number now."

If the answer comes back as "you're being selfish / after all I've done for you":

> "I know this feels different. I'm not pulling away — I'm putting a number on it so nobody has to collapse first. I can do ___ a week. That's the honest number."

Don't add a reason. Don't soften it on the second repeat.

The one line for Monday's meeting (highest leverage, say it first):

> "Which of these is a paid service, and which one is us? And here's my weekly capacity in hours — so we plan around what's actually there."

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2. Constraints and the avoid list

• No new medications, no dose changes, no splitting or crushing anything — your own sheet already has the right line: *meds can't be swallowed → call the clinic first*. Use that box.
• No leftover antibiotics from anyone, no prescription meds bought online, no "herbal" powders or tonics from friends. None of them belong in a recently discharged person's routine without the prescriber.
• Don't set the food texture yourself if section 3 of the sheet is still blank. "I'll just blend it thinner" is how a person ends up in an ambulance after choking.
• Don't add sleep aids, painkillers, or relaxants to an older person's evening routine without the prescriber — daytime grogginess and nighttime falls travel together.
• No lifting or transfers alone if he isn't cleared to walk, and your child never helps with lifting, transfers, or giving anything to take. School week, tired adult, heavy parent — that's an injury with a whole week attached to it.
• Don't let your kid become the reason you can't say no. If the schedule only works because a child is covering an adult task, the schedule doesn't work.
• Don't let "selfish" be a decision criterion. It's a feeling being worn as a fact. Your hours are the only criterion.
• Don't be the family's single switchboard. Info travels through the sheet, not through your phone.
• Don't move Monday's meeting to fit your availability. The meeting is what shrinks the problem.

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3. Red flags — when to stop DIY and get help

Your sheet's own section 8 is the fastest one. Use it. If one of these appears *suddenly* — face drooping on one side, one arm dropping or unable to lift, speech slurred or not understood — go straight to the emergency contact on the fridge. If he's on an antiplatelet or anticoagulant, say the drug names out loud to whoever you reach. Don't wait to see if it passes. Don't drive him yourself.

Stop and call the ward or clinic the same day if:

• He chokes on a meal, his voice goes wet or gurgly after eating, or he can only manage sips — that's a texture problem for the team, not a thinner-blend problem for you.
• A fever appears, or burning urination, or confusion that arrives over hours rather than building slowly. Sudden confusion in an older person is not "just tired."
• A fall that involves his head, or any fall at all if he's on blood thinners.
• He refuses fluids for a full day, or is drinking far less than the days before.
• You have any question at all about a medicine, a dose, or a timing — the prescriber's office, not the internet, not the hallway, not a relative.

Call emergency services, don't drive him: chest pain, trouble breathing, cannot be woken, or a seizure.

And one red flag about you: if you cannot reliably stay awake for evening care tonight, that is a scheduling fact, not a personal failure. Say it out loud tomorrow and let it move a task. It's a red flag precisely because it's fixable while it's still small.

Use the emergency number already written in section 5 of your sheet — and confirm it's the right one for where you actually are, before you need it.

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Decision tree: what can I realistically offer?

For every task that lands on you, walk it in this order. Stop at the first yes.

1. Can a paid service, a sibling, a neighbour, or a school-run errand do it?

→ Hand it over in writing: *who, which day, what done.* A handoff with a name on it is not a favour you did wrong.

1. Can only you do it — but only on specific days or hours?

→ Offer those slots and only those: "Wednesdays I can do laundry and shower supervision. Thursday evenings I can't." Bounded, written, repeatable.

1. Can only you do it — and it lands at night, during school hours, or when you're the only one home?

→ This one does not fit. Say so now, in writing, before it becomes a habit everyone depends on. "That slot doesn't work, and I'm not going to keep promising it. It needs to go on the Monday list as something we pay for or redistribute."

1. Is it really a decision, not an errand — a form, a consent, a choice between two options?

→ Then it gets a 30-minute appointment with a name on it, not a standing open-ended slot. Decisions should not live in your evenings forever.

1. After the decision, ask: does this need to happen *before* Monday?

→ Usually not. Most hallway yeses cover services whose start date isn't even set yet. If the date isn't set, you don't need to fill the gap with your own body.

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What "success" looks like in 24 hours

No cures, no promises — just these, and they're enough:

• Tonight's call happened, and the hours are on paper, not in anyone's feelings.
• You sent your sibling those numbers in writing afterward.
• The fridge has emergency contacts, and section 4 of the sheet has an owner or a date on at least two lines — or you know exactly who to ask Monday.
• You have one boundary sentence you can say twice without changing a word.
• Tomorrow's dinner is already made, and you slept.

That's the whole goal for tonight. Not a plan for the next year — a number, a sentence, and a plate of food.