Since getting pregnant I have started re

Is it normal? Resentment and jealousy during pregnancy are common enough that many women feel it — the load really is on your body, and it's fair to be angry about the split. What matters isn't whether the feeling is "normal," it's that it's been running silently. Silently it grows into a verdict about him; said out loud it can become a list of things you actually need. That's the shift worth making tonight.

Two things I don't do here: I can't tell you whether this is a hormonal shift, depression, or anything medical, and I won't suggest any medication or supplement. Those are your clinician's call. What I can do is get you the words and the household plan.

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1. What you tried vs. what to do instead

Tried: letting it build up silently.
Silencing works right up until it doesn't — then it comes out sideways, as a comment about something small, or as shutdown at exactly the moment you'd have liked closeness. It also gives him no chance to be told what's wrong, because he was never told.

Instead — three moves, in this order.

A. Pick one conversation, not the whole marriage (tonight, ≤15 min).
Don't open with "you never help." Open with one concrete thing.

Screenshot-able opener:

> "I want to talk about one thing, not everything — the mornings. Can we do it after the kids are down tonight? Fifteen minutes."

B. Name the load as a fact + your feeling + one ask.
Fold it into one line — don't recite four steps:

> "Since I got pregnant, mornings are all mine — the school run, breakfast, and I'm the one holding it together. I feel alone in it. Can mornings be yours on Tuesdays and Thursdays?"

That's an observation you can defend, a feeling that's yours, a need, and one request he can actually say yes or no to.

C. Make support concrete — this is where most of it fails.
"You help more" is not a task. Pick 2–3 named jobs and put them on a visible list. Keep it to what's already in your house:

• Breakfast + packing bags — one weekday morning, fully his, no asking you where things are.
• The school-run ride on Tue and Thu — including remembering the bag, forms, and pickup time.
• One evening dinner + bath + down-bed, Tue or Thu — dinner from what's in the kitchen, bath done, kids down. Not "helping with bedtime."
• One load of laundry per week, without being asked.

Write it on the fridge. A visible list ends the "I thought you were doing it" loop.

Kitchen note: he doesn't need to cook elaborate food. Eggs, rice, noodles, soup from a stock of carrots/onion, sandwich + fruit — dinner is the win, not the menu. One weekday dinner he's fully responsible for is worth more than him cooking on Sunday.

If the household support comes from a nearby elder or sibling: be careful — don't route the whole conversation through them. Adults don't use relatives as messengers between spouses. If your mother/sister-in-law is doing a lot of the lifting, tell your husband *yourself*, in one line, and let the sibling's role be what you both agreed it is.

D. Say the resentment out loud, carefully.
You can say it without it becoming an accusation:

> "I want to be honest, not to punish you: I've been feeling resentful, and I don't want it to leak out sideways. I'd rather ask for what I need."

What success is not: him agreeing, or the feeling disappearing. Understanding isn't agreement.

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2. Constraints and what to avoid

• Don't schedule it for when you're already spent. Not at 9pm after a bad day, not right after a fight, not while he's mid-work. After the kids are down and both have eaten something.
• One topic per conversation. Pregnancy, sex, money, his mother, the school — pick one. If he brings a second topic, park it: "Later. Tonight is the mornings."
• No accusation-then-apology cycles. Naming him lazy / selfish / useless is a verdict; even if true-ish, it ends the talk. Facts survive; verdicts blow up.
• Don't use the pregnancy as leverage ("I'm carrying your child, so…"). It gets a reaction, not cooperation.
• Don't stack five requests. Two or three, in writing. More than that doesn't get agreed.
• Don't run a trial period. No silent week-long test to see if he notices. That's the same silence you're already in.
• Don't wait for him to notice first. He's not going to read it, and you're the one who can name it.
• Don't finance this with your own sleep. If the talk has to wait for a day when you're calmer, it waits.
• Avoid: giving any child or elder doses, supplements, or new medicines yourself; any "mystery powder" from a non-clinic source; buying prescription meds online; and starting any new supplement for yourself without your clinician. Not one sentence fixes that.

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3. Decision tree — tonight

Are you both calm right now? No, or you know heat is coming (raised voice, shaking, texts flying) → don't open the topic. Say: "I'm too hot to talk well. Let's do it [the time you can actually keep]." Don't promise you'll be fine in 20 minutes.

Yes, calm, kids down:
→ Have you asked for anything specific in the last week? No → send the opener (A) and one ask (B) now. Don't wait for a good week.
→ Yes, and it landed → write the 2–3 jobs on the fridge. Ask: "Is this workable as written?" If he says parts are impossible, ask which part, then drop to what he *can* own. Never agree to a list you already know won't happen.
→ Yes, and nothing changed after a clear, specific ask → now the second conversation: name the pattern as your experience, not his character. "I've asked about mornings twice, and nothing moved. That leaves me carrying everything." Then decide what *you* will do about your own end — what support you're arranging for yourself (family, a helper for two mornings, asking at work). That's a boundary about your actions, and it's not a threat.

Red flags — stop the DIY and get help, this week, not next month:

• Resentment that has turned into hopelessness, constant dread, or feeling nothing at all for weeks — that's a clinician conversation, not a scripts problem.
• You can't sleep most nights, can't eat, or feel you're falling apart. Same.
• Any thought of harming yourself, or of not wanting to be pregnant or not wanting the baby. Say this plainly to a clinician, today — this is exactly what they treat, and you will not be talked down from it.
• Physical symptoms during pregnancy that worry you — bleeding, significant pain, fever, bad headache or vision changes — go to your maternity care, urgent care, or local emergency service depending on severity. Not something a conversation fixes.
• Any violence or intimidation from your husband or anyone in the home: that's a different track entirely. Do not use these scripts. Contact a local women's helpline or your clinician and, if you're in immediate danger, leave for a public place and call local emergency services.

None of that is a verdict on you or your marriage. It's the list of things that need a professional instead of a kitchen table.

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What "better" looks like in 24 hours: not a reconciled marriage and not a feeling that vanished — just that the resentment got said out loud in one sentence, one specific ask exists on paper, and you know which two household jobs are his. That single step out of silence is the actual goal.

If you'd like, tell me what the mornings actually look like in your house and I'll write the ask around your real routine, so it's one line you can send as-is.