We have a 6-week-old newborn baby girl.
Ask
We have a 6-week-old newborn baby girl. Our pediatrician gave strict instructions that visitors should wash hands and avoid kissing the baby on her mouth, face, or hands due to SV and cold sore risks (HSV-1 can be life-threatening for young infants).
My mother-in-law is visiting this weekend. During her last visit, she repeatedly kissed the baby right on the mouth and cheeks. When I asked her politely not to, she got deeply offended, scoffed: "I raised three healthy kids and kissed every one of them, stop treating me like I'm contagious!"
My husband froze and stayed completely silent because he's terrified of making his mom cry.
Can you provide:
1. Who should speak: confirm that my husband must deliver this boundary to his own mother (not making me or the baby the messenger).
2. The exact speakable line for my husband to say to his mom before she holds the baby this weekend, including a clear, actionable request.
3. The calm comeback line if she pushes back saying "you're being paranoid/disrespectful".
4. The physical boundary move if she ignores the verbal request?
Answer
I'll pull the two cards I need before drafting — one to confirm who speaks and timing, one for the boundary line itself.
**1. Yes — your husband.**
Blood relative in the couple delivers the line to his own parent. You're not the messenger, the baby isn't the messenger, and he isn't asking you to be the bouncer.
**2. Before she holds the baby — husband → his mom, at the door:**
"Mom, before you pick her up — pediatrician's rule for the first two months: no kisses on her mouth, face, or hands. Wash hands first. We'll hand her over once that's done."
One concrete request (wash hands, no kisses on mouth/face/hands) and one clear path to the baby in the same breath, so she sees the limit and how to get through it together.
**3. If she scoffs ("paranoid / I raised three healthy kids / disrespectful"):**
Hold line — same sentence, no new argument:
"I hear you. The doctor's rule still stands."
If she keeps pushing:
"Mom, we'd be failing her if we didn't follow the doctor's rule."
Don't debate SV or HSV-1 numbers. One repeat, then change the subject or hand her a coffee.
**4. If she leans in anyway — husband does the moving, not you.**
Speakable lines first:
"Hold on — let me settle her first."
"Time for her feed." / "She's getting fussy — I'll take her."
Body: he keeps the baby in his arms until she's washed her hands. When she leans in, he turns so the baby's face is on his shoulder, or steps back half a step. If she moves in for a kiss while already holding, he takes the baby back with one of those lines. You stay out of the physical move entirely — the rule reads as "ours," not "her against you."
One practical: husband runs that opening line out loud once before she arrives — at the door, not at the couch, before she sits down. Easier to sound calm when it's not improvised.