Lately everything feels pointless and I
For reference only. Not medical advice.
Question
Lately everything feels pointless and I do not care about anything at home. Could perimenopause cause this, and when is it depression that needs help? Real household: caregiver juggling school week and one elder or sibling nearby. Schedule: Thu; annual checkup due. Kitchen/home right now: mood journal. Already tried: pushing through alone. Please answer as a practical family-care guide: what to do next tonight/today, what to avoid, and a clear decision tree. Constraints: respect «No diagnosis, no medication changes»; no dosing kids/pets/elders yourself; no mystery powders or buying prescription meds online; keep steps screenshot-friendly under ~25 minutes where cooking/care applies. Structure your help as (1) what I already tried vs better alternatives, (2) constraints/avoid list, (3) red flags—when to stop DIY and get clinical/urgent help. Keep the voice concrete and kind for a tired caregiver; stay inside kitchen/home-care/communication levers only. Name what success looks like in 24 hours without promising cures. Avoid brand shopping lists; focus on routines, food already at home, and communication scripts caregivers can screenshot.
Answer
Book Thursday's checkup today and put "low mood and loss of interest" on the booking line — this is a same-week appointment, not something to keep carrying alone, and not something to wait out.
Perimenopause can do this, and it is not the only thing that can. The NHS lists mood changes, low mood or depression among perimenopause and menopause symptoms, and notes these can feel worse when sleep is broken (page checked 8 October 2026):
Source: nhs-conditions https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/menopause-and-perimenopause/symptoms/
So the honest answer is that perimenopause, depression, poor sleep, and other physical causes can look identical from the inside and can sit on top of each other. Sorting out which is which, and how much of each, is a clinician's job — this is not a diagnosis and I am not a physician, so treat it as something to raise, not something to settle at home. Ask for both tracks on Thursday: "is this hormone-related, depression, sleep, thyroid or bloods, or a mix — and what would change either answer?"
1. What you already tried vs what works better
Pushing through alone → get one other adult in on it, in writing. "Push through" is a plan for one person carrying school week plus an elder, and it has no off switch. One named person who knows the Thursday appointment exists and can do one school-run or one meal this week is a real change. Send this: *"I've been holding this on my own and it's not working. I'm seeing the doctor Thursday about my mood. Can you take one thing off my plate this week?"*
Mood journal alone → journal with one fixed question, then close the book. A blank journal can become somewhere to sit with it at 2am. Keep one line a day: mood 0–10, slept yes/no, and *did I think about ending my life?* Write the answer honestly — that line is the one your clinician needs, and it is the one you should not decide alone tonight.
Nothing yet at the doctor → Thursday is the door, but the booking is today's action. Ten minutes now.
2. Tonight and today — under 25 minutes each
| When | Do | Time |
|---|---|---|
| Today | Book Thursday. On the booking line add: "low mood, loss of interest, perimenopause symptoms — I'd like to discuss mood and hormones." | 10 min |
| Tonight | Write the three journal lines. Then close the book. | 5 min |
| Tonight | Eat one warm meal sitting down with the family, phones in another room. Whatever is already in the kitchen — rice, eggs, soup, bread. No new shopping, no diet. | 20 min |
| Tonight | Say out loud, to one person you trust: "Lately everything feels pointless and I don't care about anything." Then ask them the question: "Have I thought about ending my life?" | 10 min |
Communication scripts — screenshot these
For the doctor, Thursday:
> "For weeks I've felt everything is pointless and I don't care about anything, including at home. Sleep is [worse / unchanged]. My periods are [changing / unchanged]. I want to ask: is this perimenopause, depression, sleep, or a mix — and what should we do first?"
For the family, if they ask what's wrong:
> "I'm not fine, and it's not a thing that fixes itself overnight. I'm seeing the doctor Thursday. I need you to take one thing off my plate this week, and I need you to ask me directly if I start talking about wanting to die."
For the elder or sibling nearby:
> "I have a checkup Thursday and I might be slower to answer this week. Can we agree now what you'll cover on the days I'm out?"
3. Constraints and the avoid list
- No diagnosis and no medication changes from me or from the kitchen table. If anything is already prescribed, keep taking it exactly as prescribed. Any change — including stopping because you feel better — is a clinician decision, made at the appointment or sooner.
- No new powders, supplements, "hormone balancing" mixes, or bought online. Nothing off a shelf, nothing from a marketplace. Bring the boxes to the appointment instead.
- No buying antidepressants, HRT, or any prescription medicine online or from another country.
- No alcohol or leftover "calming" tablets as a sleep aid. Both make low mood and broken sleep worse.
- No dosed advice for your child, your parent, or a pet from me. Their care stays with their own clinician.
- Nothing for kids or elders to administer from your own supply — that includes your own blood pressure or thyroid tablets, which are prescribed to you and not to them.
- Don't turn tonight into a full self-improvement project. Four small actions, then rest.
4. Decision tree — check this tonight
A. Have you thought about ending your life, or do you have a plan, or the means to do it, or you can't promise you'll stay safe?
→ Yes, or you're not sure. Call your local emergency number now, or have someone call with you. Do not be alone and do not drive yourself. Put distance between you and anything you could use to hurt yourself, and ask someone you trust to stay. Say the words plainly to whoever answers: "I've been thinking about ending my life."
B. No to all of those — but function has dropped: you can't manage the school week, you're not eating, or you're barely sleeping.
→ Not a wait-for-Thursday problem if Thursday is more than a couple of days away. Book the next available same-week appointment, and tell the office it's about mood.
C. No to A, and B is not true.
→ Go Thursday, as planned. Do the four things above, then wait.
Go now, whatever else is true — call your local emergency number:
- You hear or see things other people don't, or you can't be left alone.
- New confusion, muddled thinking, or you're not making sense.
- Chest pain, one-sided weakness, or trouble breathing — a panic story does not make that safe.
- You have stopped eating and drinking.
What success looks like in 24 hours
Not "feels better" — that isn't available on this timescale, and anyone who promises it is selling something. Success in 24 hours is four checkmarks:
- Thursday is booked and the phrase "low mood and loss of interest" is on the booking line.
- The journal line — *did I think about ending my life?* — is written down honestly.
- One warm meal eaten sitting down with someone.
- One person asked the question out loud and knows the answer.
If tonight lands in branch A, the only success for today is the phone call and not being alone. That is not a smaller win.