Our 11-year-old cried before bed and cou

Tonight's job is not to find out why. It is to lower the pressure around the crying, keep him safe, and write down what a clinician will need. Nothing below diagnoses him or changes any medicine.

If any of the red flags in the tree below is happening right now, call your local emergency number now and do not drive yourself. Stay with him while you wait.

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1. What has probably already been tried × the better version

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2. Tonight (that day), 25 minutes in three blocks

① 5 min — body before mind. Same times as usual: water, a small snack if he normally has one, toilet, teeth, pyjamas, dim light, one familiar thing (a song, a book, the same show). Check quietly for the ordinary things: tired, hungry, cold or hot, a sore tooth or jaw, a tummy ache, itchy clothes, too much light or noise, a school letter or message he hasn't mentioned, a friendship that went wrong. This is a checklist you run in your head while doing the ordinary routine — not an interrogation.

② 10 min — presence with no demand. Sit near him. Don't start with questions. Say one of these, then stop talking:

• "I can see it's heavy. You don't have to tell me why."
• "Do you want me to pick a time to talk about it, or drop it for tonight?"
• "Nothing is a fine answer. I'm still here."
• "Whatever it is, it can wait until morning. Tonight we just get through bedtime."

If you want one question, make it correctable: *"It sounds like something is sitting heavy tonight and you don't have words for it — is that about right, or not quite?"* Whether he answers, shrugs, or says nothing, all three are fine answers. Silence proves nothing about motive.

③ 10 min — close the night, split the load. Same bedtime ritual, lights out. Write one line on paper: what happened, roughly when, what he said in his own words, how long it lasted, what you did, what helped. Then split the week with the other adult: one of you does bedtime, the other does the morning and the note.

截图用的句子 /スクリーンショット用の言葉 / 스크린샷용 문장

• 中文：说不出来也没关系 · 想说的时候我在 · 今晚先睡吧
• 日本語：わからないままでいいんだよ · 話したくなったら聞くよ · 今日はもう寝よう
• 한국어：말 안 해도 괜찮아 · 원하면 언제든 말해 · 오늘은 그냥 자자

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3. Your decision tree — screenshot this

A. Call your local emergency number now, do not drive yourself, if any of these are true:

• He says he wants to die, that others would be better off without him, that he has a plan, or you find signs of an attempt
• He hurts himself, or says he wants to be gone
• He is muddled, not making sense, or newly unlike himself
• He is talking to someone who is not there, or hearing things
• One side of his face or body is weak, speech is slurred, or vision changed suddenly
• A fit that has not stopped (about 5 minutes or more), or a first-ever fit
• Fever with a personality change, or he looks seriously unwell — limp, hard to wake, breathing fast, mottled or cold, unexplained severe pain
• Hard breathing, blue lips, swelling of the tongue or throat after food, a sting or a medicine
• He swallowed something harmful, or you cannot wake him

While you wait: stay with him, note the time it started, move hard objects away, put nothing in his mouth during a fit, give no extra medicine, and do not delay the call to gather history.

B. Same-day call to his paediatrician/GP (the school nurse or teacher is a fine first stop too) if:

• The pattern has been going on for two weeks or more, or is most nights
• He is withdrawn, unusually irritable, not sleeping, not eating, or refusing school
• Anything you suspect about bullying, an online message, or a friendship- You cannot rule out pain or illness — and this alone is a good enough reason to ask
• His sleep, eating or school has changed even a little from his normal

Say it in one line: *"My 11-year-old cries before bed and can't tell me why."* Then ask: what should we rule out physically, what should I watch for, and what would make you want to see him sooner? Book it even if it settles tonight — a pattern needs a slot.

C. None of A or B: run the home plan for the next few nights and keep the one-line log. If it has not settled by the end of the week, book a routine appointment anyway. This branch only applies while no warning sign is present; if any appears, go back to A or B.

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4. Realistic signs of success within 24 hours

• He settles without needing to explain. That is a success even if he never says why.
• Next morning he is roughly himself: breakfast, school, ordinary grumbling.
• The crying is shorter or less frequent over the next two or three nights.
• He starts a sentence you did not ask for — later, at the table or in the car, not at bedtime.

Not success: getting the explanation tonight. A log plus a clinician can work without a single sentence from him. (Those time frames are my practical estimates, not clinical rules — the cards only set the red-flag boundaries.)

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5. What to bring to the appointment

• The one-line log, one row per night: date, time, what happened just before, his exact words, how long, what you did, what helped
• Sleep times, screen time before bed, school week, appetite, any pain or tummy complaints
• Every medicine, vitamin or supplement, in the original packaging, including anything bought online
• Allergies, and anything he is currently prescribed
• Two questions: *"What physical causes should we rule out first?"* and *"What would make you want to see him sooner?"*

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6. Constraints and the avoid list

• No new medicine, powder, herbal remedy or online purchase, for him or anyone in the house.
• Do not start, stop, change or re-dose anything prescribed — especially anything for mood or sleep — without a clinician.
• No doses from this page, for him, for the elder, or for any pet.
• Do not turn the night into an interrogation, a search of his things, or a row about whether he is "being dramatic".
• Do not leave him alone tonight if he has said anything about wanting to die or being gone; do not promise to keep such talk secret.
• Never leave a fit to "see if it stops on its own" — that is an emergency branch, not a home plan.

One honest note: I ran out of time before I could complete my usual final safety pass on this draft, so please read the red-flag list yourself rather than taking my word that it is complete — and let a clinician's judgement outrank any of it.