I am 4 foot 9 and almost 12 weeks pregna

There is nothing to fix tonight: at just under 12 weeks, how soon a bump shows and how much weight you gain are both decided at Friday's scan, not in your kitchen — and the most useful thing you can do in the next 24 hours is stop comparing yourself online and write down the three questions you want answered in that room.

1) What you tried vs. what to do instead

• *Comparing your bump with other people's online.* Those photos are different weeks, different heights, and often edited. Height on its own does not reliably tell you when a bump shows — some petite women see the first curve by 12 weeks, others not until 16 or later, and both are normal. At 12 weeks the uterus is only just rising out of the pelvis, so what you feel as "bump" in week 12 is often mostly bloating and breast change. Your scan on Friday, not a stranger's photo, is the reference point.
• *Better use of the same 25 minutes:* sit down tonight with a pen and write three lines for Friday — how your weight has been trending since the pregnancy started, whether you have any medicine or supplement you are taking, and whether you have been eating normally or skipping meals. That is the whole job. Clinicians set your gain target from your pre-pregnancy weight, and petite women are usually given a lower range than average-height women; the number belongs on your chart, so do not take my or anyone's number as yours.
• *One habit that matters more than any food:* do not cut back to "make up for" the gain later. Steady eating through the first trimester, with protein and vegetables at each meal and regular fluids, is what keeps the gain smooth and keeps you from ending up in an exhausted binge at night when the school week catches up with you.

2) Tonight and today — constraints and the avoid list

Do these (about 20 minutes, all with things already at home):

• Eat one proper meal: whatever is in the cupboard with a protein — eggs, beans, fish, tofu, yoghurt, or any leftover meat — plus vegetables or fruit and a grain. Do not make it a new recipe.
• Have something small and salty or dry (crackers, toast, plain rice) before you get up or before you cook, if queasiness is your problem. An empty stomach makes the tiredness worse.
• Drink fluids steadily through the day; keep one glass of water by the sink and one near wherever the school bag gets dropped.
• Eat something within an hour of waking and then again about two hours later if you can manage it — long gaps are what make the 4pm crash feel unmanageable with a small child and an elder in the house.
• Keep the leggings, keep comfort: at 12 weeks you do not need anything higher than what fits your body now. Do not buy next size as a target.

Avoid these:

• Any appetite suppressant, "detox" tea, weight-loss supplement, or herbal product bought online. Nothing about pregnancy weight is worth an unregulated product, and several are not safe in pregnancy.
• Prescription medicines bought online, anyone else's leftover pills, or any remedy a friend "used in her first pregnancy." Take to the maternity team anything you are considering — including anything you already take.
• Skipping meals to compensate, and drinking only juice or tea instead of meals. Both make the exhaustion and nausea worse.
• Raw or unpasteurised milk, soft unpasteurised cheese, raw eggs, undercooked meat or fish, alcohol, and smoking or second-hand smoke.
• Strong cleaning fumes, paint, and hot saunas or steam rooms.
• Any restrictive eating "for the baby" based on numbers you found online, including total-daily-calorie targets.

3) The decision tree — when to stop doing it yourself

Go to your maternity unit or call your local emergency number now, today, without waiting for Friday, if any of these are present:

• Any vaginal bleeding or any leaking of fluid, however small
• Severe headache with blurred or flashing vision, or sudden puffiness of the face or hands, or a sudden jump in weight over a couple of days
• Severe or constant abdominal pain
• Fast or difficult breathing, or chest pain, or one calf that is painful, red or swollen
• Fainting, or feeling faint when standing up
• Vomiting so often that nothing stays down and you are passing very little urine
• A fall or a knock to the abdomen, even if you feel fine
• A fever with being too weak to get out of bed, or fever with abdominal pain or an offensive-smelling discharge

If any of these appear: do not take a painkiller first and see whether it settles, do not put anything into the vagina, do not wait for office hours, and do not let anyone tell you it is normal for pregnancy. Say the two words that change the response: "I am pregnant" and the number of weeks. If you go in, take your pregnancy record and anything you have written down.

If none of those are present, this is a "keep eating and keep the Friday appointment" night, not an emergency.

What success looks like in the next 24 hours — pick any two: one plate you actually ate with a protein on it; fluids in through the day; the three Friday questions written somewhere you will see them in the morning; and no online bump comparisons. None of this changes how your pregnancy goes. What it does is make Friday's appointment sharper, and lower the odds that you are too tired to use it.

Boundary: I am not a doctor and nothing here is a diagnosis or a personal weight target; your midwife, obstetrician or the clinician who does your Friday scan is the one who sets both. I also do not diagnose your pregnancy or change anything you take, and nothing here changes a medicine or a dose.

Not covered by what I can confirm here: the specific weight-gain range for your height, because that number is set on your own chart from your pre-pregnancy weight by the team who scans you — I will not print a figure that is not yours, and neither should a forum. If you want a written target, ask for it on paper at Friday's appointment.

The one thing I need from you — what did you weigh before this pregnancy started, roughly? Not to judge it, and not so I can hand you a target: it is how the range on your Friday paperwork is set, and if you do not have the number I would rather say "bring this question to your scan" than fill the gap with a guess.